To Whom It May Concern (and to those it does not but who are nosy and are going to read this anyway),

I see you have made the wise decision of purchasing my book (either that or you've stolen it, in which case please put it back, as it is not nice to steal).

In the following pages, you will find the happenings of a boy previously known as Joe the Fourth. I have written this account because there have been many false stories circling as of late about exciting and oftentimes outrageous events that supposedly happened in this young boy's life. Having known Joe the Fourth for a very long time, I can safely say that these stories are not true. Joe's life was much more exciting than these tales have made out.

To set the record straight, I have lent my services as one of Joe's oldest and most trusted friends. May these words be used to clear up any confusion surrounding this boy's life, as well as for the entertainment purposes of anyone wishing to read a grand and adventurous tale.

Please enjoy with my most grateful pleasure,

Prof. William E. Hereunder

in the year 11,530